Just swipe my credit card

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Anybody who has a post box on rent at the Post Office will tell you that they receive free credit cards time and again. The credit cards will come from various departmental stores and from huge companies inviting you to open an account with them and provide interest free for the first three months! Some will even provide a R2000-00 credit ceiling for you just in case you were headed for the dustbin to throw the letter away

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To our host, please behave yourself

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South Africa is the only country in the world where you can proudly eat half raw meat, and call it biltong. You can dry apricots, and call it Meebos. You can even experience pathetic service in all eleven official languages at the Post Office; and when in an accident, the tow-truck will arrive long before the police or the ambulance! Our illegal immigrants actually leave the country due to crime, and pedestrians normally run at the sight of rain, but not at a huge truck. This is the glorious Rainbow Nation which we have come to enjoy and which we call Home.

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Book me a 5-star Itikaaf please

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It seems that we are beginning to grade our religion and religious practices just like we grade products, hotels, restaurants or motor vehicles. How we practice our religion, to a large degree, is reflective of our position in society. Let us look at only two examples:

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Backstabbing, from the front

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I’m from the privileged few who have been sent a copy of the 2015 edition of the Oxford Dictionary for proofreading. Whilst flipping through the pages, I came across some strange words never seen before: “Frenemmy: an enemy who pretends to be a friend;” “Colour Washing: to confuse someone to such an extent that he doesn’t know which girlfriend to visit that day;” and “Front Stabbing: to betray a close friend right under his nose.” The best entry, however, was “Fiety: using your piety and angelic appearance to commit fraud, spread lies, legalise the prohibited and run others down.”

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Adultery with consent

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Counselors, psychologists and social-workers are normally bound to confidentiality. Even if you hold a gun to their head, they will not divulge the intimate details of anyone’s personal life. However, details of a new shocking and shameless sexual trend in the Muslim community are forcing them to break out of their shell, and warn, in broad terms, of an evil that even the devil himself is shy to practice, but Muslims have taken to.

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